Let’s talk about commitment babes! Commitment is a big, heavy, important, intense ass word. Some people need it, some people run from it, some people…no I guess that’s it. You either need it or run from it. Can people be like, “whatever” about commitment? Are really (mentally) healthy people are just like, yeah commitment is chill, I’m down with it but not obsessed with it. Or like, I don’t need it but I don’t hate it, you know? DO YOU EXIST? I DON’T THINK THAT EXISTS! HOW DO I GET THAT IF IT EXISTS?
In my experience it’s extremes with commitment – I mean, the word itself is extreme. To commit to something is intense, it’s a big deal, it’s a promise, it’s a, well it’s a COMMITMENT. To choose not to commit to something is another big statement. It’s saying it’s not worth it, or it’s too much pressure, or a million other things.
This is the first image to come up when you Google image search “commitment”. I don’t get it. That looks more like “teamwork” to me. DUH GOOGLE.
Here’s what I think of when I think of commitment:
1. Commitment to a person
Commitment to a person is the most obvious one, because like, HELLO, we’re all thinking about LOVE all of the time. It’s what people want deep down, to feel wanted and appreciated and needed and respected and love. And having that in a serious way with someone who’s more than a friend requires a commitment from them. Not necessarily to marriage but to a life and to a set of values that you share. I think some people are scared of commitment because they HAVE BRAINS. The idea of being like, I will only love you, and I will only look at you and only touch you for the rest of my life is a really freaky thing to say and believe. Think about it! You go through your whole life alone, it’s all, you you you, all the time. And that’s great, but then one day it changes. It’s intense to feel like you need someone too because that could go away and that’s a really brave, vulnerable place to be in. Other people I think need it too much. They want it so badly, and need to feel loved in that way, and held in that way that they chase it and settle for it and commit to people they shouldn’t be committed to. Desperate is never a good look but worse, it’s the most awful feeling. To feel so desperate for someone and to have no control over that emotion is not chill. I think people should be able to be on their own, but then be open to love and to commitment when they find it. Finding that balance of loving yourself and being ready to love someone else is like, really hard.
2. Commitment to a job
Committing to a job is serious and I don’t think a lot of people take it seriously enough. If you are working at a job that you don’t love and you don’t want to be doing you need to try to find something else to do. There is something out there for everyone. That doesn’t mean you have to be doing something crazy or creative or that no one else does, it just means find what you like and do that. There are people in every profession who love what they do, and people in every profession who hate what they do. The goal is to find what exactly it is you like, and make that your life’s work. Once you find it though, commit to it. Work hard at it, be the best version of it you can be, because that will pay off. In money sure, but more importantly in reputation. People will know you for your passion and respect you for your skill. There’s nothing, I mean nothing, more attractive than someone who works hard at what they do and loves doing it. It won’t always be easy, but it will be worth it.
3. Commitment to a place
Commitment to a place. This is where this whole blog post came to me because right now I am in the process of moving to LA from Miami. Location is everything. WE ALL KNOW THAT. So to commit to a place is committing to a whole slew of things. Culture, work, style, weather, vibe. Every city has their own thing going on and when you live in a particular place surrounded by particular people, they start to rub off on you. The humor, the style, the day to day activities, it’s all dependent on where you live and what you do in that space. This, for me, is one of the largest commitments you can make, because everything comes out of it. The people you meet, the jobs you take, the home you live in, the friends you have, the relationships you start. That’s your whole life, wrapped up in a single decision basically. WHOA.WHOA.WHOA. Miami has been amazing and is amazing and has so many wonderful things…as does Los Angeles, but what they both offer is different from the other. Someone made this video asking people to show you their latest picture on their iPhone and each city had such a distinct tone to it. San Francisco, New York, Los Angeles, all unique. This test was amazing because their all random civilians on the street and yet what they had in common was so definitive of where they lived. They didn’t have to know each other they didn’t have to have a lot in common they just needed to be themselves where they were – and that was enough to prove how much of an impact your location has on you. That decision should not be made lightly, but also, you should try to live in as many places as you can before you choose. Travel and visit and stay with friends, do whatever you need to do to figure out where you’re supposed to be. Then once you find it COMMIT LIKE HELL.
4. Commitment to a lifestyle
This partly comes out of committing to where you live, but this is more internal. If you want to exercise every day, or eat more fruit, or read more, or listen to more music, or hike or whatever it is — do it. People do so much talking about what they want to do and things they want to try and they never do them. I do it too. It’s SO SO easy to say one thing and then see your bed and be like, f**k that, I’m getting cozy. That’s what I want to do 98% of the time. But you can’t allow yourself to indulge in every wish, in every thought of sleep and dreams and coziness. You have to push yourself to be better and to be less lazy and commit to all these things that you really want but are too lazy or scared or tired to try. Just get up and go. Just do it! Commit, follow through, push yourself.
5. Commitment to yourself
This is the most important one. People (myself included) constantly put other people in front of them. They take care of their friends and family and co-workers before they take care of themselves. And that’s beautiful. That’s empathy. That’s compassion. That’s human nature. But that’s also cutting yourself short. Taking care of yourself and committing to loving yourself and prioritizing yourself does not mean that everyone else goes by the wayside. It doesn’t mean that everyone else is forgotten, it just means that you care about yourself enough to make yourself happy. And honestly, if you’re happy, you’re going to be so much better for all those people. A better parent, spouse, friend, sibling, co-worker…just in general a better HUMAN. Grumpy mean people are the worst. It’s not helping someone if you’re miserable while you’re doing it. Let me tell you something, they can tell. Everyone can tell that you are not happy doing whatever it is you’re doing. So like, take a step back, and reassess what you need to do so that you can be happy. If you feel grumpy think about what makes you happy even if that’s the like, not what you want to do in the moment. A giggle is cute for everyone.